Trouble With My Lids

Feelings.
You'd think by now
I'd work out how to manage them.
To put each in its place,
The cap on top.
Don't let them get too big,
Too loud,
Too anything
That might get in the way,
Draw attention
Or make another feel.

Last month,
I was sad,
And I hid myself away
So no-one knew
And no-one felt
... And no-one blamed.
I couldn't fit the cap on;
Too much feeling leaking out.
A mess,
Uncomfortable to clean.

Guilty and frustrated
For my lack of lid control,
'Til I recalled -
I am allowed to feel sad.

Alone.
Alone and pushed away.
Alone and pushed away and cruel words.
Alone and pushed away and cruel words
And take me for a fool.
I have a right to feel sad.

Months to watch a small boy suffer.
Invisible attackers on my phone,
My Feed,
My heart,
With nothing I can do
To ease his hurt 
Or stop their hunt.
I should feel sad.

So, pardon me a while
As I gather up my lids
And try to put them on
To make things right.
Perhaps we need more feelings in this world;
I may not screw my lids on quite so tight.